Making Our Way.....

We started one our adventures. Headed to Las Vegas. It's supposed to take some 12 hours. We're driving. But we put in a 2 hour cushion. To make any needed stops. We are traveling with my grandparents, and nieces and nephews. And somehow, we're supposed to all meet up at 6pm. For dinner.

Most of Ignacio's family left yesterday. And spent the last night in Las Vegas. But we had a few things left to get done. We decided to drive. For 2 reasons. 1 it's cheaper. Way cheaper. Two, we're traveling with my abuelitos, and nieces and nephews. My very pregnant sister, would also like to say, she prefers driving. :)

We left early. Cars packed. Full!! Of people, and wedding goods. All I can think about, is Ignacio. How he's doing? If he's working too hard. If he's really OK after those floods. You know, it would flood in Las Vegas. Days before our wedding. :)

And I can't help, but think about my abuelito. How is he really doing?? Should we really be making him, travel all this way. With such little time, should we have just waited. I can't help, but to have these things on my mind. No matter how hard, I try not to think about them.

In the last few days, I've tried to remain calm. To remember the reason for all of this. Because I love Ignacio. And I love my abuelito. And I want both of them, to share in this big day. I want to marry my best friend. And I want my abuelito to "give me away."

To keep me a bit more "occupied," I joined Twitter and Pinterest this week. I know!! You would have thought, like a year ago, I would have joined. But it took until this week. I also joined Facebook. But since there is a bit more personal information on there, if you want to "friend" me, leave me a comment. :)

I've also been really thinking about the things, I want from our wedding. The memories I want to make. And keep. Things that not only will be special now. But in the future. Most of these, being pictures. Really, we've given up so much already. Just trying to make this wedding happen. That I knew, I wanted a good photographer.

I just want to have pictures, that I can look back on. And remember this special day. And all of those people, that shared in our special day. It should be no surprise, that I turned to Pinterest. My oldest sister and I, just cried our eyes out. Over this picture.

We were thinking the same thing. At the same moment. My abuelito and me. We HAVE to get one just like this!! HAVE TO!! And I'm not joking about all the crying. It's a good thing, that my mom and abuelitos were napping. And my dad is concentrating on the road.

That's what we're doing today. Making our way. Please say a few extra prayers for us. That we all get there safely. And return safely on Monday. I'm going to go back to "pinning" some ideas. We've still got 5 1/2 hours on the road!!

One Last Chance

Today has been a very tough day. We found out that my dear abuelito, doesn't have much longer on this earth. I feel like my entire world has been rocked.

You see, my biological dad, up and left when my sisters and I, were little. Real little. He hasn't been around for over 25 years. Not even his own family hears from him. We're close to his side of the family. But it's just an unfortunate situation.

Since my dad wasn't in the picture, my abuellito (grandpa) has been our rock. He was our "father figure" growing up. My mom worked hard, and long hours. She had to support 4 of us!! On her own. That meant, lots of time with our abuelitos.

Maybe because I'm the youngest. Or the more sentimental and emotional one, I grew really close to my abuelitos. I've stayed really close to them. And although God sent us an amazing dad, years later. In the form of my stepdad. Let's all be real here, he's our dad. And we love him just like he was our biological dad. Because he's ours. And he loves us in the same unconditional way.

But that bond with my abuelitos will never go away. They're my rocks. Where I pull my strength from. Where I learned to love and trust. My abuelitos taught me so much. Just by example. They are the most amazing people, I will ever know.

Last year, my abuelito was diagnosed with cancer. He's fought a tough fight. And was in remission for just over 7 months. I'd hoped that he'd walk me down the aisle. Give me away. Be a big part of our wedding day. Instead, today he was given about 6 weeks to live.

I'm crushed! To say the least, it's been a very emotional day. I went with my mom and abuelitos, to my abuelito's doctor appointment. It was supposed to be a routine checkup for him. To check his status. Instead, we left crushed. Heartbroken. And a tad bit deflated.

I've cried more than I ever have. My heart just plain aches. I'm worried about what tomorrow will bring. How will we get through all of this. How will I ever say goodbye? How will that be possible?

And then, that little detail creeped into my mind. April 27, 2013. Almost 8 months away. I just knew that I couldn't wait that long. And after talking with Ignacio tonight, we've decided to move that date up. Way up! As in September 16, 2012. Because I just couldn't bare, my abuelito not being at my wedding.

I know, it sounds a little crazy. Beyond the budget breakdown, and saving money.....we haven't done much in the terms of wedding planning. I'd been collecting little things, here and there. But we were focusing on planning this Fall. I don't have a dress. I haven't even asked my bridesmaids, to be my bridesmaids.

But I have faith in God. That he will allow our family, this last celebration. Together. It's not going to be huge. Or fancy. I'm 100% certain, that all those little things I wanted to order, customize, or create.....won't get done. But we will be married. With our loved ones there.

So why September 16, 2012? For one, it's close. For two, Ignacio and the mariachi will be in Las Vegas. Teaching forming. From September 10th-17th, they are scheduled to be there. And well three, isn't Las Vegas known for their quick weddings?

It's going to be fast. It's going to be different from what we had envisioned. But we'll be married. With our loved ones surrounding us. The details will somehow work out. I believe that God will give us that much. Being that he's taking my rock from me. I'm so lucky to have Ignacio. How he understands the importance of familia. And I'm lucky and blessed, to still be able to include mi abuelito.

School.....and Life

Lately, I've been struggling with school. Not the actual work or exams. But being motivated to just go. Spring break really didn't help. It just got me in a lazy mood. That I can't shake. Believe me, I've been trying!!

Pretty much, work keeps me motivated. It's the stuff that I enjoy. I almost feel like I'm a high school senior again. With "senior-itis." Did you have that too? When you just couldn't get it together. The end was too close. And it seemed like it would never come. That's what I'm feeling right now.....

Ignacio is really helping me out. With all the pep talks. Making sure, that I keep my goals in mind. Every morning, he gets my coffee ready. And pretty much, has to throw me out of bed. You know, since the "snooze button" and me have become BFFs!! I know!!

I need to just get it together already. Really, the semester is all downhill from here. We've got weeks left. And I know, I can get through it. I just need to get my head on straight. Ugh!! Why is this so hard??

I've been doing a lot of praying. The father from our church, gave me a CD. With bible lessons on it. And some meditation and prayers. Every morning, on my way to school.....I listen to it. Hoping that it will heal my soul a bit. Get me motivated, to do the things that will allow me to grow. Not just as a person. But to grow in God.

I'm really grateful right now, to Ignacio. I know that without him, I would be dropping the ball. He's just a good cheerleader. In fact, this morning I really didn't want to go to school. I was almost like a 5 year old. Throwing a bit of a tantrum. I know that it's not right. But it happened. Ignacio just calmly made my coffee, picked up my purse and bag, and headed to the car.

He then sent me a text. Telling me I had 5 minutes. Yes, he drove me to school. Because I was being such a crabby apple!! I felt bad later in the day. When I realized how childish I was being. I sent him back a text. To apologize. When he came to pick me up, he had a yummy dinner with him. And we headed to the park. For a picnic. And a bit of a ramble from me. Tears included.

Ignacio didn't run away, roll his eyes, or think I was dumb. He just listened to me. And all this stuff, that I have in my head. Things that I don't like to talk about. But know, need to be talked about. He just sat there and listened. Thank God!!

And when I fell apart crying, and talking about failures, Ignacio just held me. And reminded me of my accomplishments. And how God has placed a challenge for me. But also sent me Ignacio. To help me through it.

Today, reminded me of 3 things:

1. I can get through tough things. I just need to stay focused.
2. Ignacio is the perfect man for me. He knows just what to say and do, at the right moment. He doesn't judge me. He's my best friend, before anything else. And he really loves me. I mean REALLY LOVES me!!
3. God loves me too!! He challenges me at times. But he LOVES ME!!

I'm not giving up. I don't have it in me, to do so. As hard as it is, to push forward. It's even harder to give up. That much I know. I need to focus on these important things. I need to relax a bit. Give myself the time, to just be. And when it's time to work and study, I just need to do it. I keep reminding myself, only 14 months left. GIRL YOU CAN DO IT!!

Just Breathe.....

Today I started back at school. The beginning of our Spring Semester. Crazy how from the second the alarm went off this morning, until I was driving home this afternoon, all I could think of.....was home!!

College for me, has been a dream come true. Something that I wanted to do, since I was a little girl. But I wasn't always sure it would be a possibility. Low and behold, I got a scholarship. :) Then my mom and dad, offered to help me out. Just a little. With some of my books. And I got another job.

For the first 2 or 3 years that I was in college, I worked. Hard. Long hours. I had 2 jobs. And went to school. It was also the first time, I'd lived on my own. Even if I had a roommate, I felt like I was doing it for myself. For the first time in my life!! All tough things. But I knew I could handle it.

But it's like something has changed. I no longer want to be in college. I'm done. So over classes, homework, and group projects. Maybe it's being engaged. And looking into the future. Planning the next phase of my life, with Ignacio. That suddenly makes me want out of college.

I graduate in just over a year. May 2013. It seems like a million years away!! I know that it's not. I've taken out the calendar, a million times. Counted the months. Then the weeks. And finally the days. 16 months. I can do it!!

My one salvation, is my job. I work on campus. It's not a big job. It's a work study job. But it's a fun deal. I enjoy the people I work with. And it's a lot of the "fluff" stuff, that goes with teaching. I get to design bulletin boards, make tons and tons of copies, and help with projects. Really, I help my professors get things together, for the "Student Teachers." And you know what? I don't just enjoy my job. I also enjoy the people I work with. :)

During my 90 minute commute this morning, I thought about all these things. Wondering why I left home at 6:30am, and was still stuck in traffic. I used to live on the west side of town. Near my university. Now I live across town. On the east side. I'm still not used to this commute. Months later, it still drives me nuts!! Why am I doing this? And why, at this point are my classes still so early?

Well, I just turned to God. I turned off my radio. And started to pray. I NEEDED that!! I needed to reflect on all of this. To put it into perspective. To remember that I'm lucky. I get to go to college. I have a fiance, who wants to pay for it. He wants me to succeed. Dare I say, almost more than I want to. And I'm 3 semesters away from graduating. I can't give up now. Instead, I breathe. And turn to God. I know he will help me through this.